True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
