??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
