I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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