So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
