Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
