I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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