I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
