Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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