I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
