you guys were way drunker than both of me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
