Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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