Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
