You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
