There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
