When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
