I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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