I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
