fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
