Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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