Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
