she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
