tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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