Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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