so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
