i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
