dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
