I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there was a trapeze. enough said
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
