Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
