No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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