No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
