Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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