We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
