The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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