I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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