I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
