party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
