last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
