don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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