some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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