I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Less talking, more tequila
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
