nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
