this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
