so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
