i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
