im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
