wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
