Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
