you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Someone came in the potted fern
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
