My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
