i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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