so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
