just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
