She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
