Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
