don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
