"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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