I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
