I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
