Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
